Monthly Archives: October 2016

Parenting Skills Or Child’s Defiant Behavior

Parenting Skills Or Child’s Defiant Behavior

It is very common that parents would sick for parenting skills after child’s aggressive behaviors or anger outbursts at school. Parents may also experience being involved with a court system if school officials would decide that lack of parenting skills takes place in particular situation. Parents would come to see a behavior specialist and first questions are usually: “Why me? Why I am forced to learn about parenting skills? I raised my children all by myself, nobody helped me! Or I believe I am a great parent and if school has problems with my child they have to change a teacher or principal has to “fix” it or maybe school counselor does not do her job!”

These questions come up very often and behavior specialist has to work hard to gently and respectfully explain parent that it is not possible to blame school and school officials if your child can not follow simple rules. These rules, actually, seem to be simple for us but not so simple for a child who has been bullied and has to demonstrate self-control.

In most situations something definitely triggers child’s behavior at school it can be teasing, bullying, low self-esteem and all kinds of other reasons. However, there is no reason for a child to be aggressive, violent towards other kids, teachers and teachers’ ads.

When child has fights at school and gets suspensions every other day parents feel very stressed out, overwhelmed and they try to find therapist, counselor or behavior specialist to “fix” this child. Unfortunately many parents wait for “magic”, wait for somebody who will come and “fix” child, somebody who would solve all problems in any way giving parents an opportunity to work, not getting calls from school all the time and be less overwhelmed.

It would be wonderful if somebody would come and “fix” all children but it does not work in this way. Counselors, therapists and behavioral specialists may do a wonderful job, but when child comes back to the same environment and parents do not want to change ways of disciplining and managing child’s behavior we can forget about progress and positive outcome of the situation.
This is the reason why if your child shows disruptive, aggressive behaviors at school maybe it is time to ask yourself: What do I do as a parent to contribute to this behavior? I spend with my child most of the time and may be there is something I need to learn and work on to help my child to be happy and successful in life?

Please, do not feel embarrassed or hesitated to sick for advice and to learn more about parenting if you feel that situation with your child’s behavior goes out of your control. We learn about investments in our lives but we may forget that your own child is the best investment you ever made. Spending time to learn more about parenting skills would definitely help you to manage your child better and bring to the world successful person instead of raising the child who has problems with a court system due to poor self-control.

What My Cats Have Reminded Me About Parenting

What My Cats Have Reminded Me About Parenting

I grew up a dog lover and have owned several of dogs over the years. My favorite was an adorable Cocker Spaniel named Agatha. I never really liked cats – a little too aloof and independent for my likes.

Yet now going on three years, I’ve been the owner of two tabbies a brother and sister – one gray and one ginger. Since adopting them, I’ve found them fascinating and exotic animals to watch and engage with. And yes, I love my tabbies.

Here are some of the things my cats have taught me about parenting

Forgiveness. Cats have short memories and don’t hold grudges. I’ve seen my tabbies get in some angry hissing, growling and pawing brawls yet a few minutes later they’re cuddled together in their bed. If only we could learn to forgive so quickly.

In humans, chronic anger has been linked to a decline in lung function. A forgiving nature helps to lower blood pressure and reduce anxiety. People who also forgive tend to have higher self-esteem.

Practicing forgiveness helps us more than the offending person. Forgiveness is a life skill we want to model for our children so they can practice it in their own lives.

Communication. Cats are skilled communicators. They speak to other cats and us (humans) in three different ways. Unless you’ve been living in Bikini Bottom, we’re all familiar with meowing but did you know it’s almost exclusively reserved for humans? Newborn kittens will meow to communicate needs to their mother.

To make sure they get our attention, especially when they need something, cats will meow at the same frequency as a baby’s crying. Now how’s that for getting our attention?

Cats also use their body language and scent glands to communicate with each other. And of course, we can’t forget purring. It’s generally understood purring reflects a cats contentment.

Purring doesn’t just benefit your cat, purring has been shown to uplift your mood while at the same time lowering your blood pressure. Having a cat can actually be good for heart health and overall wellness.

Cats remind me of the importance of good, clear communication. Communication includes both verbal and non-verbal messages.

Rest. Cats listen to their bodies. They don’t push themselves beyond what their physically capable. They get plenty of rest to the face the day’s challenges. Why would it be different for us – the advanced species?

As a nation, we are getting less and less sleep. A recent Gallup poll found we average just 6.8 hours a night, less than the doctor-recommended 7 to 9 hours. One of the biggest reasons for this decline in sleep is the high technology that allows us to work and play 24/7. This decrease has had adverse effects on our health.

There’s evidence we can benefit from catnaps, too. A study involving about 24,000 people shows regular nappers are 37% less likely to die from heart disease than people who only nap occasionally. You’ll have more patience and energy to deal with a troublesome toddler when you’re well rested.

Thoughtful. If your cat (especially if they’re female) ventures outdoors they’re probably showering you with gifts of dead birds or mice. It’s estimated cats kill billions of small animals every year in just the United States.

This doesn’t make cats evil killers they’re just doing what comes naturally, i.e. following their instincts. In the wild, mother cats teach their young how to eat their food by bringing home dead or injured prey.

Domestic cats are no different. But in this modern age of spayed domestic cats, many female felines have no young to whom they need to pass on their hunting wisdom. By leaving us a dead bird or mouse, your cat is acting on its natural role as a mother and teacher. As a cat owner, we are her surrogate family. She knows we don’t have the skills to catch that yummy bird or scrumptious mouse on our own.

Giving our children an occasional gift is a good idea. It lets them know you’re thinking of them. Just make sure you’re doing it from thoughtfulness and not buying your child’s affection or your own forgiveness for not being there in your child’s life.

Flexibility. Cats have this way of holding a paw in the air ever so long as if deciding what their next move should be. Cats remind me to be flexible and your most firm plans can change on a moment’s notice especially if you have children.

Affectionate. I thought cats were aloof and unemotional – I was wrong. Cats show us affection using a combination of body language, postures and vocalizations. It’s important to understand not all of these demonstrations of love are in the way we would express them to our family members. Some of these demos include:

  • Tummy Flashing. Showing you their belly indicating they trust and are comfortable around you. You have my permission to try this in your living room.

 

  • Head Bunting. While you probably wouldn’t want to bunt heads with your significant other or child, when cats do it they are depositing their facial pheromones. Their way of claiming us as their own.

 

  • Cat Bites. Cats originated the love bite. When your cat playfully nibbles on you, it just another way to show they like you. While your teenager may not appreciate or want a love bite your significant other might but that’s a subject for another article.

Just remember, like some of us humans, cats are quirky and finicky creatures. Like people who are different from us, it’s important to invest time and energy to increase your understanding of their behavior and bring peace and harmony to your relationship.

Tips About Parenting a Child

Tips About Parenting a Child

Any child is perceived as a blessing to the parent. Whether boy, girl, disabled or healthy, it is important for the child to receive the parents’ attention and to have the essential needs met. However, some parents are not able to provide most of the basic needs due to ignorance, financial problems or even out of lack of interest in taking care of the child. This may be a predicament facing many children with disabilities all over the world. There have been many cases of neglect, malicious punishments or even murder by parents whose children have special needs.

One thing people need to realize about parenting is that the child’s mind is developing and the situations he is exposed to will have a great impact in future. As a result, it is important to treat this child with special needs just like the others in the house. This will give the child the urge to live and accomplish goals he sets in life. This may not happen if the child is segregated. For instance, if the other children want to watch a movie or to hang out, it would be wrong to lock the disabled child in the house claiming that it is not right for him to be seen in malls or parks. If you host parties for your other children, this one should not be an exception. You should do so and invite his classmates or friends. In short, let the child live like a child.

You can also try to look for things this child loves. This will help you tap any talents that the child may not know of. This can only happen if you spend some alone time with your child. You can organize to have quality time with each of the children, and if you only have one child, this one, the two of you can organize some time away from school or work. Listen to his needs and you can establish hobbies you feel will help him. When the communication channel is open, the child will be free to inform you in case he has health or emotional issues. This is important because the child needs protection and assurance because the world may not always be open to listen to him.

However, an important fact about parenting is that though this child needs your love, it does not mean mothering him when he misbehaves. One area most people go wrong about parenting is thinking that talking to the child means you let your discipline guard down. You need to inform him that there is no way out in case he is caught in mischief. This will establish a level of accountability for his actions. The child will also respect the boundaries you have created. To do this, make sure the child understands what you expect from him and the consequences if he acts contrary.