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Learn All About Parenting Styles

Learn All About Parenting Styles

There exist four different parenting styles: the authoritarian style, the authoritative style, the permissive style as well as the uninvolved style. These styles have been discovered throughout the past decades and are still subjects of current research. A famous scientist, by the name of Diana Baumrind, in the field discovered the first thee styles. Her discoveries were later picked up and detailed research was conducted to discovered the last style known as the uninvolved style.

“Excellence parenting”

Diana Baumrind conducted an experiment on one hundred preschool-age children using naturalistic observation, parental interviews and many other research methods. She was able to define four major dimensions of parenting: disciplinary strategies, warmth and nurturance, communication styles and expectations of maturity and control. Her conclusion was that based on how children are raised different traits are more or less dominant in their figure. As previously mentioned, Diana was able to classify different parenting styles into three different ones: authoritarian parenting style, authoritative parenting style and the permissive parenting style.

The authoritarian parenting style enforces strict discipline on children; they must obey any command the parent gives without question otherwise punishment is given without reason. These parents will not tolerate their children misbehaving; as soon as something is not to their liking, they will simply punish the kids harshly. These children will grow up being very disciplined and will often succeed in life, however they will display poor social skills. According to Baumrind, these parents are obedience and status oriented; they expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation.

Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents “monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative”.

Permissive adults, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation” (1991). Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.

Questions To Ask About Parenting Skills

Questions To Ask About Parenting Skills

Common Questions

Here are some common questions that parenting experts get asked frequently.

Is “Because I Said So” Enough?

Parents may say, “No means no.” Or, “Because I said so, that’s why.” You’ve certainly heard other parents say these things, and you may even have said them yourself. Well, in part they’re true and should be enough of a reason for not doing something, but using these phrases really doesn’t teach your toddler anything.

Remember, you are attempting to teach the concept of appropriate behaviour.

A short, simple explanation is fine. Say “You cannot climb on the kitchen counter because you may fall onto the hard tiled floor.” If your toddler repeats “Why?” over and over again, answer the first couple of times with the very same explanation. If he is trying to get you to change your mind and your story, he’ll quickly realize it isn’t working. After that, refuse to answer his “whys” by ignoring him.

What’s Wrong with Bribing?

The problem with bargaining is that once you start it, your toddler expects you to bribe or bargain with him every time you want him to do something. The only time it really works is if your toddler is faced with something particularly uncomfortable, scary, or unpleasant. For example, if your toddler has a fear of the doctor and it’s time for his yearly checkup and vaccinations, it may be helpful to promise that something pleasant will follow.

You might say, “I know how much you dislike going to the doctor. But we have to go. Why don’t we plan on having ice cream afterward?” You are not making the reward contingent on good behaviour but on his going along with what needs to be done.

Will My Toddler Take Advantage of an Apology?

Apologizing for your own bad behaviour or mistakes is one of the best ways to model good behaviour and the acceptance of responsibility. You are not perfect, and neither is your toddler. If he makes a mistake and is told to say he’s sorry, why shouldn’t you be expected to do the same?

Is It Okay to Discipline Other People’s Kids?

Here’s a simple rule. If you are the only parent in charge (e.g., your toddler has a friend over), you have a responsibility to supervise them. If one child is harming another, step in and correct the misbehaving child. If the other parent is present, wait to let her take charge first. If she doesn’t, be diplomatic. You might say, “I see the kids getting into it; we’d better stop them.” Do not take sides and stay as neutral as possible.

All Things You Have to Know About Parenting

All Things You Have to Know About Parenting

If your children behave badly such as fighting, lying, stealing, lazy to do some homework, denied, or interrupted when the parents are called you would feel disappointed. That attitude which the child has done was perfectly natural course. But do not take it so long, you should take appropriate action. The problem is what are the appropriate action should we take? Here I will show you some techniques you have to know about parenting technique to change the bad behavior of your children.

In order to coping with the bad behavior is not easy. It needs more attention and seriousness of the parents. The first thing you can try is that make a clear instructions and giving the child a reason why you told him like that. For example when you prohibit them do not jump on the bed. Just try to give an explanation if they jump on the bed causes damaged and so on. That way; children will understand why you are prohibiting them like that.

Of course, your positive attitude means lots in the process of educating children. So that respects the child and provides support when a child needs your help are a must to be practiced. With such attitudes, the parents would see the child as a human being, who is learning, not as an obstacle.

When your child is too long to play and it was time to sleep, try to remind him five or ten minutes earlier. That way, your child knows that he had to stop playing. So that when the time actually comes, he will not argue with you because he has prepared himself to stop playing.

How to Save the Marriage When You Disagree About Parenting

How to Save the Marriage When You Disagree About Parenting

Many couples get along famously in their courtship and early marriage, but suddenly find themselves hitting a brick wall when a child is born. As it turns out they did have at least one area where there are major disagreements, and that’s in parenting. And it can be devastating.

All of us have very deep parenting beliefs about how children should be raised. For example, some believe that children need lots of discipline, control and discipline and others that children need to learn from experimentation and self-regulation.

Where Do Our Parenting Beliefs Come From?

We form our beliefs about parenting based on many influences, including the model of our parents, religious messages, observations of others, the media and our own private conclusions.

“The Truth” About Parenting and Children

By the time we are adults we have built a strong set of beliefs about parenting and children. It is usually so strong that it seems like The Truth, the one and only Truth. It just feels like the “natural way to think.”

Then Along Comes Mary, or Joe

Then along comes this person you love, and you can’t wait to have children. You just assume things will be great. That’s because you both know what “The Truth” is and how could someone have a different opinion, especially someone you love? Doesn’t always turn out like that!

When there’s major disagreement on parenting, it can cut the marriage apart very quickly and even permanently. It can feel like a total betrayal. Here is this person I agree with and love and now they have a different view on something so important as parenting?

How to Save the Marriage When You Disagree About Parenting

If you find yourself in the distressing and potentially marriage ending position of having fundamental disagreements about parenting your children, I have two things to say. First, it doesn’t have to be the end, and second you need to act fast and act now to head off further problems.

This problem will not go away by itself!

Four Steps to Save The Marriage

You must take four steps to save the marriage right now. I call those steps “LOVE,” which is an acronym. “L” is for like; “O” is for openness; “V” is for value; and “E” is for encourage.

Like

The first thing to do immediately is to learn how to like your partner’s parenting beliefs and actions.

You may not fully 100% agree with them, but you do need to find some things about them to genuinely like. Take out pencil and paper and write down 10 things you can honestly say you like about your partner’s parenting beliefs and style.

Make it real, not phony. This is the most important step!

Be Open

As hard as it might be to accept, you do not have “The Truth” about parenting or child rearing. You have some important views and much to offer, but what you believe is not the one and only Truth. If you insist on believing that, you and your partner are never going to see eye to eye, as long as he or she is true to what he or she believes is Truth.

Make a list of the parenting beliefs and actions (such as around discipline) that you are willing to be flexible about. List 10 things that you need to be willing to accept that your partner believes. This will go a long way to creating a positive agreement between you.

Give Value

If you really believe in your parenting approach, find ways to help your partner see the value. Don’t argue about what you do, just quietly and honestly contribute actions which show the value of your beliefs and that don’t aggressively challenge your partner.

What can you do that will help bring positive and valuable results in raising your children, but that won’t attack your partner? Make a list of 10 actions and then begin to gently but firmly try them out. Remember, they may or may not be helpful, so fall back to Step 2, Be Open.

Parenting Skills Or Child’s Defiant Behavior

Parenting Skills Or Child’s Defiant Behavior

It is very common that parents would sick for parenting skills after child’s aggressive behaviors or anger outbursts at school. Parents may also experience being involved with a court system if school officials would decide that lack of parenting skills takes place in particular situation. Parents would come to see a behavior specialist and first questions are usually: “Why me? Why I am forced to learn about parenting skills? I raised my children all by myself, nobody helped me! Or I believe I am a great parent and if school has problems with my child they have to change a teacher or principal has to “fix” it or maybe school counselor does not do her job!”

These questions come up very often and behavior specialist has to work hard to gently and respectfully explain parent that it is not possible to blame school and school officials if your child can not follow simple rules. These rules, actually, seem to be simple for us but not so simple for a child who has been bullied and has to demonstrate self-control.

In most situations something definitely triggers child’s behavior at school it can be teasing, bullying, low self-esteem and all kinds of other reasons. However, there is no reason for a child to be aggressive, violent towards other kids, teachers and teachers’ ads.

When child has fights at school and gets suspensions every other day parents feel very stressed out, overwhelmed and they try to find therapist, counselor or behavior specialist to “fix” this child. Unfortunately many parents wait for “magic”, wait for somebody who will come and “fix” child, somebody who would solve all problems in any way giving parents an opportunity to work, not getting calls from school all the time and be less overwhelmed.

It would be wonderful if somebody would come and “fix” all children but it does not work in this way. Counselors, therapists and behavioral specialists may do a wonderful job, but when child comes back to the same environment and parents do not want to change ways of disciplining and managing child’s behavior we can forget about progress and positive outcome of the situation.
This is the reason why if your child shows disruptive, aggressive behaviors at school maybe it is time to ask yourself: What do I do as a parent to contribute to this behavior? I spend with my child most of the time and may be there is something I need to learn and work on to help my child to be happy and successful in life?

Please, do not feel embarrassed or hesitated to sick for advice and to learn more about parenting if you feel that situation with your child’s behavior goes out of your control. We learn about investments in our lives but we may forget that your own child is the best investment you ever made. Spending time to learn more about parenting skills would definitely help you to manage your child better and bring to the world successful person instead of raising the child who has problems with a court system due to poor self-control.

What My Cats Have Reminded Me About Parenting

What My Cats Have Reminded Me About Parenting

I grew up a dog lover and have owned several of dogs over the years. My favorite was an adorable Cocker Spaniel named Agatha. I never really liked cats – a little too aloof and independent for my likes.

Yet now going on three years, I’ve been the owner of two tabbies a brother and sister – one gray and one ginger. Since adopting them, I’ve found them fascinating and exotic animals to watch and engage with. And yes, I love my tabbies.

Here are some of the things my cats have taught me about parenting

Forgiveness. Cats have short memories and don’t hold grudges. I’ve seen my tabbies get in some angry hissing, growling and pawing brawls yet a few minutes later they’re cuddled together in their bed. If only we could learn to forgive so quickly.

In humans, chronic anger has been linked to a decline in lung function. A forgiving nature helps to lower blood pressure and reduce anxiety. People who also forgive tend to have higher self-esteem.

Practicing forgiveness helps us more than the offending person. Forgiveness is a life skill we want to model for our children so they can practice it in their own lives.

Communication. Cats are skilled communicators. They speak to other cats and us (humans) in three different ways. Unless you’ve been living in Bikini Bottom, we’re all familiar with meowing but did you know it’s almost exclusively reserved for humans? Newborn kittens will meow to communicate needs to their mother.

To make sure they get our attention, especially when they need something, cats will meow at the same frequency as a baby’s crying. Now how’s that for getting our attention?

Cats also use their body language and scent glands to communicate with each other. And of course, we can’t forget purring. It’s generally understood purring reflects a cats contentment.

Purring doesn’t just benefit your cat, purring has been shown to uplift your mood while at the same time lowering your blood pressure. Having a cat can actually be good for heart health and overall wellness.

Cats remind me of the importance of good, clear communication. Communication includes both verbal and non-verbal messages.

Rest. Cats listen to their bodies. They don’t push themselves beyond what their physically capable. They get plenty of rest to the face the day’s challenges. Why would it be different for us – the advanced species?

As a nation, we are getting less and less sleep. A recent Gallup poll found we average just 6.8 hours a night, less than the doctor-recommended 7 to 9 hours. One of the biggest reasons for this decline in sleep is the high technology that allows us to work and play 24/7. This decrease has had adverse effects on our health.

There’s evidence we can benefit from catnaps, too. A study involving about 24,000 people shows regular nappers are 37% less likely to die from heart disease than people who only nap occasionally. You’ll have more patience and energy to deal with a troublesome toddler when you’re well rested.

Thoughtful. If your cat (especially if they’re female) ventures outdoors they’re probably showering you with gifts of dead birds or mice. It’s estimated cats kill billions of small animals every year in just the United States.

This doesn’t make cats evil killers they’re just doing what comes naturally, i.e. following their instincts. In the wild, mother cats teach their young how to eat their food by bringing home dead or injured prey.

Domestic cats are no different. But in this modern age of spayed domestic cats, many female felines have no young to whom they need to pass on their hunting wisdom. By leaving us a dead bird or mouse, your cat is acting on its natural role as a mother and teacher. As a cat owner, we are her surrogate family. She knows we don’t have the skills to catch that yummy bird or scrumptious mouse on our own.

Giving our children an occasional gift is a good idea. It lets them know you’re thinking of them. Just make sure you’re doing it from thoughtfulness and not buying your child’s affection or your own forgiveness for not being there in your child’s life.

Flexibility. Cats have this way of holding a paw in the air ever so long as if deciding what their next move should be. Cats remind me to be flexible and your most firm plans can change on a moment’s notice especially if you have children.

Affectionate. I thought cats were aloof and unemotional – I was wrong. Cats show us affection using a combination of body language, postures and vocalizations. It’s important to understand not all of these demonstrations of love are in the way we would express them to our family members. Some of these demos include:

  • Tummy Flashing. Showing you their belly indicating they trust and are comfortable around you. You have my permission to try this in your living room.

 

  • Head Bunting. While you probably wouldn’t want to bunt heads with your significant other or child, when cats do it they are depositing their facial pheromones. Their way of claiming us as their own.

 

  • Cat Bites. Cats originated the love bite. When your cat playfully nibbles on you, it just another way to show they like you. While your teenager may not appreciate or want a love bite your significant other might but that’s a subject for another article.

Just remember, like some of us humans, cats are quirky and finicky creatures. Like people who are different from us, it’s important to invest time and energy to increase your understanding of their behavior and bring peace and harmony to your relationship.

Tips About Parenting a Child

Tips About Parenting a Child

Any child is perceived as a blessing to the parent. Whether boy, girl, disabled or healthy, it is important for the child to receive the parents’ attention and to have the essential needs met. However, some parents are not able to provide most of the basic needs due to ignorance, financial problems or even out of lack of interest in taking care of the child. This may be a predicament facing many children with disabilities all over the world. There have been many cases of neglect, malicious punishments or even murder by parents whose children have special needs.

One thing people need to realize about parenting is that the child’s mind is developing and the situations he is exposed to will have a great impact in future. As a result, it is important to treat this child with special needs just like the others in the house. This will give the child the urge to live and accomplish goals he sets in life. This may not happen if the child is segregated. For instance, if the other children want to watch a movie or to hang out, it would be wrong to lock the disabled child in the house claiming that it is not right for him to be seen in malls or parks. If you host parties for your other children, this one should not be an exception. You should do so and invite his classmates or friends. In short, let the child live like a child.

You can also try to look for things this child loves. This will help you tap any talents that the child may not know of. This can only happen if you spend some alone time with your child. You can organize to have quality time with each of the children, and if you only have one child, this one, the two of you can organize some time away from school or work. Listen to his needs and you can establish hobbies you feel will help him. When the communication channel is open, the child will be free to inform you in case he has health or emotional issues. This is important because the child needs protection and assurance because the world may not always be open to listen to him.

However, an important fact about parenting is that though this child needs your love, it does not mean mothering him when he misbehaves. One area most people go wrong about parenting is thinking that talking to the child means you let your discipline guard down. You need to inform him that there is no way out in case he is caught in mischief. This will establish a level of accountability for his actions. The child will also respect the boundaries you have created. To do this, make sure the child understands what you expect from him and the consequences if he acts contrary.

Hard Core Truths About Parenting

Hard Core Truths About Parenting

When I was younger I though that parenting was the funnest, coolest and easiest thing to do. After all, I could take care of babies and make them stop crying and be happy. And once they get older you just hang out with them, right? Those thoughts were obviously before I had children. As I look back at my ignorance I laugh at myself. I am going to explain 3 hard core absolute truths about parenting.

1. It’s exhausting! And the reason why it is exhausting is because you will put the most effort into your children than you do any other thing. At the end of the day sometimes we are so exhausted we barely have enough energy to smile at one another. But the Time is now, the time is now that we instill everything that we have into our children so they become the rock stars that they are. By giving emotionally, physically, mentally, financially and spiritually. By giving and giving your everything to your children it can wipe you out. On the other hand, it is the most rewarding position on planet earth. As parents, we are raising the next generation of people to take off in this world. What kind of people do you want to raise? Any parent would say that they want to raise respectable, honorable thriving children who will be adults one day.

2. As parents, we are the most influential people in our children’s lives. Whether you believe it or not, it is the truth. Our kids look to us as the rock stars, we can do no wrong in their eyes and we know everything (HA!). So when we speak to them in love and truth and teach them what we know and how to do things. That builds trust between the relationship. They will come to you with things such as questions about things they heard in school, what certain words mean, what we think about a situation, etc. When my oldest son comes to me with something he heard in school from so and so, he knows I will give him the honest truth (age appropriate). I have done it with him always and he continues to come to his parents time after time with what he wants to know. He knows his questions are valued. As that relationship grows, he will feel the safety to come to us as he gets older.

3. The REWARD and satisfaction that you receive when you see your children acting as you wish for them. When you tell them, “It’s time to go!” and they come running. I love overhearing or watching the kids when they don’t know I’m looking or listening. When I see them use teamwork to build that fort made out of the couch cushions and blanket. When I hear them talk as little adults to one another and work an argument out. We all have those days when we want to scratch them and start over or wish the day would just end already at 8 o’clock in the morning. But stay encouraged. The discipline and values that you are raising your kids will pay off. What you sow into them they will reap and call you blessed. When you sow love you will reap love. When you reap patience you will reap it. Whatever you may be giving out, it will come back to you in the actions of your children. I hope this was enlightening and encouraging to you.

All About Parenting

All About Parenting

1. All about discipline: According to my latest research, there are millions of books, pamphlets and articles on the subject of child discipline. There are lots of books and articles out there on this particular topic (discipline) with kinds of name, such as “Behavior Modification”, “Ways to Discipline a Child”, “All About Parenting” or some approach that says, “This Is the Best Way to Discipline Your Child”. That’s why this article is different from any other and I enthusiastically recommend it to every parent.

2. Understand what discipline is?: Understanding the true nature of discipline. I ask, what is discipline? Discipline is teaching, it’s the process of teaching that goes on all the time. When we discipline our child parenting, we are teaching them two things that I want you to understand well, (i) To avoid undesirable behavior and (ii) To use desirable behavior, these are the two things, and very few people see this clearly. Agree with me that discipline is teaching? Yes it is. I will this medium to tell you that in discipline it is wrong to use one approach to discipline a child or children. Remember “that your child or any other child is truly unique, born with combination of genes and a biological temperament different from those of any other child in your family, or indeed any child anywhere”. So, using one approach will not work at all time with a child or all children, you must have a tailor-made approach to fit the uniqueness of a child or any child. That’s the reason discipline is teaching.

3. What you should know on/about discipline: Firstly, it is important to take the age of the child into consideration or account, because has they grow their, character, thinking ability and every thing about them change or move up with their growth. Am sure, you do not teach desirable behavior to a two-year-old or three-year-old in the same way you teach an eight-year-old. Secondly, this is on you (the parent) feeling comfortable on the way you’re handling problems with your children. What I mean is, you must feel comfortable with the way you’re handling situation or problems when it comes to discipline or parenting a child or children. It must suit you.

Lastly, have explain this before, but I will put more light on it, this is for the parents who do feel comfortable with one approach when it comes to discipline. A word from an expert says “A particular approach works best when dealing with a specific situation”, but will it work when dealing with another situation entirely? Definitely not! You ask why?, okay, what will work for parent Smith might not work for parent Anderson, because of his own personality or the way his parent raised him and the discipline or approach that works on Peter might not work on Johnson, because of their genes and biological temperament.

So, I repeat “using one approach will not work at all time, when it comes to discipline”. I believe a new approach to discipline or parenting is needed, and this article will give it in the following ways. (i) This article will teach or show you kinds of approach to discipline and how to use these different strategies. (ii) How to discipline your child from infancy to adulthood and (iii) How to find the right strategy or approach that will suit you comfortably.

How to Save a Marriage When You Disagree About Parenting

How to Save a Marriage When You Disagree About Parenting

In many marriages the relationship in early years is more productive than after some years of marriage. Disagreement is a problem that can result in divorce if not properly handled. In any union, there are always strong points you see in the other person and their weak points. It is the duty of the couples to rise above their differences and make things work, by addressing those concerns. Perfection does not exist in marriage. The things that make marriage work are commitment, love, discipline, understanding, openness and communication.

When it comes to parenting, there are many versions couples use. Some couples want to raise their kids the way they were raised, while others want to raise them the way they expected to be raised by their parents. The bottom-line is that this is a learning experience and partners should learn together. This can only happen where honesty and openness exists. Sit down with one another and agree on the parenting model to be used.

There are deep parenting beliefs that exist among couples on how best to bring up their kids. Some believe discipline should take center stage, hence the need to exercise control over their kids. Other people believe in self regulation and experimentation.

The question to ask yourself is where do they get parenting beliefs? The major sources of parenting beliefs are influences from our parents, observations, media, religious messages and personal conclusions.

By the time someone grows into adulthood, they already have a view or belief about parenting. This is usually taken as the truth and the only one for that matter. It is why they have problems accepting other versions. When one gets married and they have kids, they start seeing the differing parenting beliefs they have. In such a case you need to sit down with your partner and develop a consensus. Disagreements like this can easily end a marriage if not well handled.

Ways of saving a marriage as from parenting disagreement

Parenting disagreements on how to bring up your kids does not have to be the reason to end your marriage. This is something that can be solved, the kids are yours together and you both have their best interests at heart. Therefore, fast action has to be taken to avert further disagreements. Acknowledge that the problems or disagreements you are experiencing will not end if they are not discussed and properly handled.

Openness

Being open with each other about your feelings on parenting is very important. Give your version and compare it with that of your partner. Discuss the upsides and downsides and reach a compromise. There are always things that you will agree on for instance the need for discipline, responsibility and honesty among other virtues. If you have new tips you want implemented, bring them up for discussion with your partner. However, do not be too rigid to accept your partner’s version. Not willing to listen may rob both of you an opportunity to resolve the situation amicably and save your marriage. When corrected or your partner presents a more agreeable version of parenting, do not take it personally like you are being overshadowed. The love you have for each other should guide your decisions always to keep the bond of marriage strong even with disagreements.

Give value to your beliefs

If you have a particular belief in parenting approach, present it to your partner. The two of you should discuss it. Help him/her see value in it, rather than making it the cause for arguments. Encourage honest and quiet contributions to the ideas without aggressively challenging your partner.

Liking each others perspective

This involves respecting their opinions. Clarify to them why you do not fully agree with their parenting belief. Find some things about their parenting belief that you share common ground on. Write them down and let them know about them.

Give each other encouragement. The bottom-line is that both of you want the best for your kids and will do your best to make it so. Therefore, encourage each other based on parenting beliefs. You can praise your partner to re-establish the warm connection you share. Do not make unilateral decisions without consulting with your partner, as that will demean them inappropriately.