In many marriages the relationship in early years is more productive than after some years of marriage. Disagreement is a problem that can result in divorce if not properly handled. In any union, there are always strong points you see in the other person and their weak points. It is the duty of the couples to rise above their differences and make things work, by addressing those concerns. Perfection does not exist in marriage. The things that make marriage work are commitment, love, discipline, understanding, openness and communication.
When it comes to parenting, there are many versions couples use. Some couples want to raise their kids the way they were raised, while others want to raise them the way they expected to be raised by their parents. The bottom-line is that this is a learning experience and partners should learn together. This can only happen where honesty and openness exists. Sit down with one another and agree on the parenting model to be used.
There are deep parenting beliefs that exist among couples on how best to bring up their kids. Some believe discipline should take center stage, hence the need to exercise control over their kids. Other people believe in self regulation and experimentation.
The question to ask yourself is where do they get parenting beliefs? The major sources of parenting beliefs are influences from our parents, observations, media, religious messages and personal conclusions.
By the time someone grows into adulthood, they already have a view or belief about parenting. This is usually taken as the truth and the only one for that matter. It is why they have problems accepting other versions. When one gets married and they have kids, they start seeing the differing parenting beliefs they have. In such a case you need to sit down with your partner and develop a consensus. Disagreements like this can easily end a marriage if not well handled.
Ways of saving a marriage as from parenting disagreement
Parenting disagreements on how to bring up your kids does not have to be the reason to end your marriage. This is something that can be solved, the kids are yours together and you both have their best interests at heart. Therefore, fast action has to be taken to avert further disagreements. Acknowledge that the problems or disagreements you are experiencing will not end if they are not discussed and properly handled.
Being open with each other about your feelings on parenting is very important. Give your version and compare it with that of your partner. Discuss the upsides and downsides and reach a compromise. There are always things that you will agree on for instance the need for discipline, responsibility and honesty among other virtues. If you have new tips you want implemented, bring them up for discussion with your partner. However, do not be too rigid to accept your partner’s version. Not willing to listen may rob both of you an opportunity to resolve the situation amicably and save your marriage. When corrected or your partner presents a more agreeable version of parenting, do not take it personally like you are being overshadowed. The love you have for each other should guide your decisions always to keep the bond of marriage strong even with disagreements.
Give value to your beliefs
If you have a particular belief in parenting approach, present it to your partner. The two of you should discuss it. Help him/her see value in it, rather than making it the cause for arguments. Encourage honest and quiet contributions to the ideas without aggressively challenging your partner.
Liking each others perspective
This involves respecting their opinions. Clarify to them why you do not fully agree with their parenting belief. Find some things about their parenting belief that you share common ground on. Write them down and let them know about them.
Give each other encouragement. The bottom-line is that both of you want the best for your kids and will do your best to make it so. Therefore, encourage each other based on parenting beliefs. You can praise your partner to re-establish the warm connection you share. Do not make unilateral decisions without consulting with your partner, as that will demean them inappropriately.